“What a strong woman!”, exclaimed with full admiration, most often by a man, and rarely about me.
For a long time I never considered myself a strong woman. The reason being, I'm highly sensitive, easily overwhelmed, sometimes exhausted, emotional, high or low. And while eventually finding a way forward, I spend quality time searching and discovering. I’m not invincible, held together regardless of the circumstances, immune to emotion, or necessarily any of the other stereotypes that some attribute to strength. Today I want to explore my true feminine strength. Here I intend to name it, see it, recognize it and share it with you. My strength My strength is to be gentle, slow and thorough. I choose confrontation when I'm truly ready for it and that takes time. Rarely do I confront harshly and abruptly. Only when I’m cornered and can't immediately find another way to protect myself. Mostly I choose slowness and don't respond right away. I let everything percolate until I find my true answer to a situation. I love deep understanding and connection. I love non-violent communication. I feel my way through situations and conflict intuitively and dynamically. I feel deeply and ground myself in love, and then connect peacefully from that source to really understand what's going on for myself and the other person. You won't easily see me on barricades. Though I support others who do have activist strength and I speak out for causes that are dear to me, you won’t see me using my physical body to stop opposition. It’s too intense for me. Instead I use my heart. I need open communication and mutual understanding too much to be able to thrive in the more fixed and fierce energy of activism. I have tried in the past to obtain results through force and willpower, but doing so didn't bring me satisfaction or any peace. My strength lies in other areas. Healing may be the key word in my life. I have a profound belief in healing. Something that is healed is changed forever. You don't need to take action for it anymore, or put pressure on anyone. A heart that has opened up and is healed will naturally make more loving choices. I choose this slow but sustainable way of healing, because this way suits me completely and fulfils me. It makes my energy flow freely. I can feel within everything that this is right for me. But does this constitute a strong woman? Someone who loves gentleness and slowness so profoundly isn't so readily associated with strength. How do I view myself? How much have I let my self-image be determined by other people's judgments? It's time to take charge of my self-image again! When I look at myself with an open mind, I see a lot of strength, but of a different flavor. A very sensitive strength, constantly attuning, seeking sustainable solutions and with a loving view of situations and people, finding mutual understanding and healing of the pain which is the cause of our difficulties. And this isn’t the full story, because apart from gentle and slow, my strength is also thorough. I choose confrontation when I’m ready for it. I don’t try to avoid possible conflict. On the contrary, deeply grounded in love and compassion, I discuss everything that’s important to me, because I fiercely believe in the value of such confrontations. We learn from receiving honest feedback, even though it can be hard at first. I feel grateful for all confrontations in my life, because I grew in valuable ways through them. I choose to confront people as gently and open-minded as possible, because I’m very well aware that I don’t know the full story of another person and that truly listening to him or her will probably change my view on things. I am fully connected to the appreciation that we all do the best we can. I don’t believe that a human hurts another for no reason. I see time and again, in myself and in everyone I meet, that people only cause damage to other people when they’re having a hard time themselves. A happy or fulfilled person isn’t going to harass other people. It’s a simple insight that changed my whole view on man. I feel a deep love and gentleness for everyone. We all do our very best with everything that happened to us in the past and the things we have to endure in the present, while also handling the pressures and expectations for the future. It’s time to relax and abate, and let our wounds heal, so that we can live our lives differently. That’s my motive and true hope when I confront someone: to create a safe and loving space where insights can come into existence and relaxation and healing can take place. I grant other people the opportunities for growth that I so cherish in my own life and I speak up for the things I care about in my own way. And that makes me thorough. When something happens that doesn’t seem fair, that doesn’t sit well with my sense of justice, I do something about it. I reflect about it and when I’ve found enough space in myself and gained insight into the situation, I start a dialogue about it. Does all of this make me a strong woman? Who can tell? Who do I let determine this? And how important is it to be a ‘strong woman’ and see myself as such? I do feel it’s empowering to consider myself as strong. It boosts my self-confidence and makes me feel more capable to handle life’s challenges. But what is strength? Is it a sign of strength or weakness to ask for help? To reach out for support in complete honesty and openness? Is it brave to be aware of one’s vulnerabilities and care for them with love and tenderness? Maybe it is. --- I wrote all of this a couple of months ago… Re-reading it today I feel the truth about myself is that I am both strong and vulnerable, and that it is my love and care for myself who glues both together to the alive and juicy person I am. I am a blood-sweat-and-tears woman. Sometimes I crash, but I get up again. It may take some time, but I get up again, every time. And I relax when I feel I don’t have to be strong all the time. Just to be myself and to be loved and supported as I am. Each time someone sees my strength in the middle of my vulnerability, my heart is warmed and I feel seen as I am. How do you see strength? Do you dare to share your vulnerability? And do you consider yourself as strong? I’d love to hear your experience and view on this! Warmly, Annemie PS: My next Self-Love Program starts October 2nd. Would you like to bathe yourself in love and learn how to treat yourself with (more) gentleness and care? Pm me for more info or visit the program page: Self-Love Program with Annemie
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Annemie Nijs - Self-Love CoachDo you long to be more gentle with yourself and feel love for yourself instead of judging yourself? Archives |